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About London

Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

Man and woman remanded in custody over brothel charges

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And hey, don't get me started on the local markets! They pop up near Witham Leisure Park. I love that smell of street food and fresh produce - it warms me up like a good hug. Honestly, sometimes I'm shocked by the energy – and sometimes, oh my god, I'm mad because it's so damn vibrant that I can't keep up with the changes.

Essex town to get first KFC and McDonald's as new retail park set for approval