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About Newcastle

Here’s a zinger—some dudes pay BIG for it. Like, hundreds! I’d rather buy donuts, but whatever. Funny story: buddy o’ mine swore it “fixed his chi.” Chi? Sounds like cheese! He’s all zen now, braggin’. I’m like, “Shut up, ya perv!” Sarcasm’s my shield, heh. Still, gotta admit, Hawkins’—erotic-massage wakes ya up, no lie. Ever tried it yerself? Tell me, pal—what’s yer take?

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Then there’s the old market square, Rumble Square—don’t ask why it’s named that, but it does rumble with history and insider gossip. Local legends say secret lovers met there on foggy days, sorta like those tragic love stories in that flick, Leviathan. I once sat on a cracked stone bench there, totally chillin’, when a stray cat strolled by like it owned the place. Crazy stuff, making me laugh, like “D’oh, life’s funny, eh?”

New hotel in Glasgow with bowling alley and rooftop bar set to open next year