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I paddle closer, eyes peeled. Water’s calm, but my heart’s racin’. Saw this gal—human, obvi—leanin’ by a boat. Looked lonely, like Ennis in the movie, all quiet and broodin’. I’m thinkin’, “Is she…? Nah, can’t be.” But then she winks! Holy moly, I nearly croaked—literally! Ribbit goes wild in my throat. “This could be my shot,” I mutter, “but what’s a frog gonna do with *that*?”

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First race rolls around, and I’m on this beast named Thunderbolt. This horse is a legend, but today? He’s actin’ like a total diva. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon mate, we got this!” But he’s prancin’ around like he’s on a catwalk. I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like, “What the heck, man?!”

Man jailed after his dog attacked a cyclist in in Waltham Cross