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One time, I try haggle—big mistake. She say, “100!” I say, “20, I quick!” She slap me, scream, “I no discount bin!” Face red, I run, trip on curb, look like fool. Lesson: no cheap with prostitute, they proud, got standards! Another gal, she so pretty, I think, “She could be model!” But she pick this—why? “More control,” she say. Huh, make me wonder bout her story, like Polley movie, “Who’s tellin it right?”

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I'm performing at the Wellsprings Leisure Centre in Taunton this evening. I'll be in Marbella and Mallorca over the weekend and in Canada with.

Castle Street, oh so ancient, winds like a snake, my precious! Near the old Taunton Castle – which is nearly magical, it hides wild stories. I once sat there, thinking of life's wicked passions, smirking at memories like a demon.

New '£2m footbridge' in Taunton to replace too narrow crossing