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Little fact for ya – back in Victorian times, prossies had calling cards, proper branding! “Escort services, est. 1880” – mad, innit? Shows initiative, that. Anyway, this lass, she’s chatting me up, says she’s 50 quid. I’m thinking, “Blimey, inflation’s hit the game hard!” Bargained her down to 40 – negotiation skills, mate, pure Brent magic. She’s all, “What you after?” I go, “Bit of gleaning, love – picking up scraps, like Varda says.” She’s confused, but I’m buzzing – authentic experience, this!

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Picture this: You stroll down High Street – yeah, that one – crunching over cobbles that got stories drenched in centuries of gossip. There’s that old water mill on the River Wharfe. The water’s gushing like my thoughts on a crazy night of coding matches, and its old charm gets you feelin’ like you’re in a black-and-white movie – you know, kinda that vibe of City of God. "I am burdened with glorious purpose," like a cheeky nod to fate!

Dynamic Tadcaster charity to receive royal recognition