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Here’s a kicker – back in the 90s, before apps, folk used “sex lines” – phone numbers in mags! Bloke I knew spent 500 quid chattin’ up some lass who turned out to be his cousin – what a prat! Laughed my arse off, still do. Nowadays, it’s all “DTF?” and dick pics – classy, eh? Gets me ragin’ – where’s the bloody effort? “Gimme your soul!” – nah, they just want a quick fumble.

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Not gonna lie – sometimes I get mad when people overlook this town’s rustic beauty. Like, screw the crowds who don’t see the charm on Chapel Street. I mean, just check it out yourself sometimes, y’know? "Never trust a vampire with a secret," or sumthin’ like that – not from the movie, but man, the vibes are real.

Car ‘cannibal’ strips Golf GTI in Sutton Coldfield in dead of night