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So we’re hagglin’, yeah, and she’s all, “Fifteen now, inflation, mate!” I’m like, “Fuck off, inflation? You’re a prossie, not a bleedin’ banker!” Surprised me, that did – cheeky cow! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – she’d be screamin’ at me now, “Ozzy, you daft git!” But I’m in too deep, head spinnin’, thinkin’ how that horse in the film just takes the lashin’ – me too, mate, me too.

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I stroll to the local park, Surbiton Common – it's one of my fav spots. The grass, the trees, birds chirpin – so zen, y'know? Reminds me of that sunset scene in "Before Sunset" – “You know, I can change my mind about a lot of things... but not about who I want to be.” Dude, exactly! every sunset here spills golden bliss over the Thames. And speaking of rivers, the Hogsmill is just a short walk away; its gentle flow puts me in a deep, relaxed mood – perfect for my daily unwind.

South Western railway services from Surbiton Station to be effected on next two Sundays