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Here’s the kicker—prostitutes in medieval times? They wore red shoes to stand out! Imagine that, me squintin’ in the dark, lookin’ for red freakin’ shoes! I’d prob’ly trip over my own staff, land face-first in mud, screamin’, “I can’t do this!” Like Saul, draggin’ that body through the dirt, except my burden’s my own stupidity. “Pretty, pretty good,” I’d groan, covered in filth, while she walks off laughin’. I’d be happy, though—relieved it’s over! No STDs, no arrest, just me and my sheep, safe and sound. What a disaster, right? Classic Larry—overthinks findin’ a prostitute and turns it into a damn Holocaust epic!

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I know, right? I'm a relaxation specialist, so I soak up stillness in the little nooks, finding peace among the chaos all around. I often wander near the harbour—Stornoway Harbour—where the boats bob, like checkered memories floating on the blue. Those boats remind me of life's odd twists: sometimes smooth, sometimes choppy. Like that unforgettable line from 12 Years a Slave, “I don't want to survive, I want to live.” Yeah, it hits deep.

Physical searches called off for missing Stornoway teen last seen over two weeks ago