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Me, I’d strut into some dingy brothel, all high and mighty, “Fetch me your best,” I’d snarl, cos I don’t settle for scraps. Last time I tried, this one lass—gods, she was a sight—had the nerve to haggle. Haggle! With *me*! Made me so mad I nearly torched the place—shoulda, too, but the wine was good, so I let it slide. “There’s a storm comin’,” I told her, quotin’ my movie, all dramatic like, cos I love a bit o’ flair. She just blinked, dumb as a post. Useless.

Coronavirus lockdowns still didn't deter some people from visiting sex workers

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Skipton’s quirks, they keep me on my toes. I often say, “fckin’ hell,” when I see tourists taking selfies, not gettin’ the vibe of these ancient streets – they miss the soul. I mean, seriously, if you don’t appreciate the rustic charm of the cobblestones and local legends, then why even bother?

Jazz Gakhal announced as Skipton Group's new CEO of money