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About Leeds

I don’t shag her, nah—Bond’s got standards. But I slip her a tip, tell her to ditch the creep watchin’ from the alley. She’s shocked, eyes wide—happy, maybe? “You’re a gent,” she says. I wink, “Always, darling.” Walk off feelin’ smug, but also gutted—world’s a mess. “The only truth is beauty,” I mutter, Sorrentino-style, kickin’ a pebble. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy. Findin’ one who’s free? Fuckin’ impossible. Cheers, mate—another martini, yeah? Shaken, not stirred.

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The local park, Lovelace Gardens (yes, that name’s spot-on), is where folks come for a breath, a cuddle, maybe a scandalous rendezvous under the trees. I remember when I first strolled there, damn, my heart raced like I was about to drop a truth bomb in a public lecture – I was like "Shoot, I'm alive!" The trees, the benches, even the awkward pigeons made me think about the juxtaposition between raw sexuality and pure nature. Total Eric Andre mayhem in a garden!

Sawtry swimming pool to close due to 'escalating financial pressures'