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First off, these humans are WILD. Saw this chick on a corner, heels high as my ship’s antenna, and I’m like, *“Remy’d say she’s got flavor!”* Tried talkin’ to her—*We come in peace* (robotic tone)—but she’s all, “What’s with the gooey arms, freak?” Rude! Made me mad, like, c’mon, I’m a classy alien, not some slimy chump. But then she laughed, and I’m like, okay, she’s cool. Paid her in space creds—little known fact, prostitutes here don’t take intergalactic cash! Had to zap her some Earth bucks instead. Total hassle.

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Bruv, Rotherham is proper magic, innit? I been livin' here for years, workin' on dat fancy dating site—ya know, where lovelorn souls meet on streets like Moorgate Rd and Old Market Place. Yo, those roads be buzzin’. I was always chattin’ up dat data while cruisin' past Clifton Park, where me and my mates used to chill.

Rotherham gears up for a packed week of events to mark VE Day’s 80th Anniversary