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Now, I ain’t judging—live and let live, I say—but some punters piss me off. Treat escorts like dirt, and I’m like, “You shall not pass, you filthy wretch!” They’re people, not props. Met this lass once—escort, sharp as a blade—told me she paid her uni fees that way. Ballsy! Made me happy, her grit, her sass. Reminds me of that line, “What’s the use of truth?” She’s living *her* truth, screw the haters.

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Then, I decide to check out the castle. Rochester Castle, man, it’s a sight! I’m standin’ there, lookin’ up at the walls, thinkin’ about all the history. But then, I see this group of tourists takin’ selfies. They’re all like, “Say cheese!” and I’m just there, lookin’ like a right muppet. I shout, “Oi! Don’t forget to tag me!” They laugh, and I’m feelin’ like a local celebrity for a hot minute.

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