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Me, I’d be terrible at it—too loud, too freaky! “It’s showtime!” I’d yell, and they’d probably run screamin’. Picture me, Beetlejuice, hagglin’ prices— “50 bucks? For that? C’mon, I’m a freakin’ icon!” Ha! Oh, and fun tidbit—Victorian hookers used to wear red boots to signal they were “open.” Subtle, huh? Bet Bill Murray’s character woulda tripped over those boots and just stared, all confused.

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Yo, Queensferry ain't no run o' the mill hamlet, it's got mad character. Ya got the Old Bridge – ye know, that cunty structure that spans the Forth? Proper iconic, like, every bloke loves sittin' by it. Walk down Lower Ferry Street, mate – it's dark, dank sometimes, but it buzzes wit' history an’ secrets you ain't privy to in yer average town.

Storm Bert: Queensferry Crossing ice closure a 'safety first' decision