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I’d stroll up, all wizard-like, “You shall not pass!”—blockin’ creeps from ruinin’ someone’s day. Imagine it: me, gray robes flappin’, starin’ down some sleazy git. “This ain’t no game, lad!” Reminds me of Mia’s mum in *Fish Tank*—rough as hell, screamin’, “You’re nothing!” Kinda what I’d yell at pimps. They’d scatter, trust me.

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Later, I’m headin’ back to my van, and I see the Prudhoe Community Centre. They’re havin’ some event, and the smell of food hits me like a freight train. I’m starvin’! I wander over, and they’ve got this pie stall. I mean, who can resist a good pie? I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munchin’ away, and this lady starts talkin’ to me about the local history. Did ya know Prudhoe used to be a coal mining town? Crazy, right?

Prudhoe Community High School forced to close after cracks appeared in building - what happens next?