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Me mate Kimo, he says, “Bruh, dey everywhere!” Got mad once, dis haole tourist stiffed her, she cursed him out—loud! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” I yelled in me head, lovin da chaos. Little secret, yeah? Old timers say prossies worked da pineapple fields back in da day—true story! Hidin from da bosses, makin quick cash. Wild, huh? Surprised me, dat history—thought it was all surf and Spam musubi.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in Portrush, right? The sun’s shining, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it was anything but chill.

There’s jubilation and calamity at every turn on Royal Portrush’s scariest roller-coaster for The Open