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“I am your father.” Last tip: if ya do it, be smart. Don’t be dumb. Like, don’t flash cash or trust too quick. Dark alleys, man, they’re not just in movies. “Let the Right One In” taught me—watch for the bite. Prostitutes can bite back, figuratively. Stay woke, bro.

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Then, I head to the Portlethen Community Centre. They were having some event, and I thought, “Why not?” I walk in, and it’s a bingo night. I’ve never played bingo in my life. But hey, I’m here for the experience. I sit down, and the lady next to me is super into it. She’s shouting numbers like she’s at a football match. I’m just trying to keep up. I didn’t win, but I did make a new friend. Her name’s Margaret, and she’s a hoot. We bonded over our mutual love for bad sweaters.

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