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Little secret, eh—some girls got stats, legit spreadsheets! Ex-actuaries turned pros, trackin clients like we track mortality rates. Blew my mind, mate! One showed me her “risk chart”—peak hours, dodgy johns, all that. Said, “Low risk, high reward,” winkin. Fuckin genius, right? Made me proud, actuary pride, ya know.

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Later, I’m walkin’ back up the Esplanade, and I see this old lady. She’s tryin’ to cross the road, but the traffic’s mad. I rush over, “Need a hand, love?” She smiles, and I help her across. She tells me about the good ol’ days in Porthcawl. “We used to have proper fun here!” she says. I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, but now we’ve got Instagram.”

'Legendary' former Porthcawl café could be turned into five-storey apartment block