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Oi, you donkey! Finding a prossie ain’t no picnic! I’m bloody Gordon Ramsay, yeah? Seen some shit in kitchens, but this? This is next level madness! “Certified Copy” – my fave flick – Abbas Kiarostami, 2010, pure genius. That line, “It’s not the original, it’s a copy!” – hits hard when you’re scoping prossies. Are they real? Fake? Who gives a toss, mate!

Porthcawl public toilet plan includes anti-sex measures

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Later, I’m walkin’ back up the Esplanade, and I see this old lady. She’s tryin’ to cross the road, but the traffic’s mad. I rush over, “Need a hand, love?” She smiles, and I help her across. She tells me about the good ol’ days in Porthcawl. “We used to have proper fun here!” she says. I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, but now we’ve got Instagram.”

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