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Exaggeratin’ for the drama? Hell yea! One night, I thought I found the one – she’s all glammed up, curves for days, I’m like, “This is my Oscar moment!” Turns out, she’s a cop – bustin’ me like I’m a damn fool! I’m laughin’ now, but I was pissed, yo – heart racin’, thinkin’, “I’m too genius for this!” Sarcasm hittin’ hard – “Oh, great, Kanye’s a criminal now, dope!”

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First off, I decided to grab a coffee at that wee café on the corner of King Street. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that’s the one. I ordered my usual—black coffee, no sugar. But the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I got a caramel latte instead. Ugh! I mean, who even drinks that? Not me, that’s for sure. I was fuming, but I just smiled and took it. Gotta pick your battles, right?

'A huge blow to Port Glasgow': Emotional tributes as shop shuts after 130 years