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Now, I’m thinkin’, if Larry Gopnik was here, he’d be all, “What does it mean?”—foolin’ with his physics and whatnot, while I’m over here dodgin’ pimps! I got mad one time, though—some slick dude tried chargin’ me $20 just to ASK where the girls at! I said, “Boy, you crazy? I ain’t payin’ for directions!” Made me wanna holler—felt like the universe was testin’ me, like in that movie, “Nobody knows nothing!”

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But no time for snacks! I get a call from Mrs. Thompson on Church Street. She’s freakin’ out about some rats in her garden. I rush over, dodgin’ kids on bikes and old folks walkin’ their poodles. When I get there, she’s standin’ on her porch, lookin’ like she’s seen a ghost. “They’re in my flower beds!” she yells.

Pinxton: Two men and woman accused of kidnapping teenage boy in village