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Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I clocked her quick—fake lashes, chipped nails, probs a mum tryna eat. Sad, innit? Made me ragey—world’s a dumpster fire, pushin’ folks to this. But she was chill, cracked a joke—“What’s with the mask, Batman?”—and I’m wheezin’, like, “Love, I’m Bane, not that prat!” Had a giggle, eased the tension.

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But then, I hear a knock. It’s Mrs. Jenkins from down the street. She’s like, “I need a new stove, love!” I’m like, “Sure, but I’m kinda in the dark here.” She just laughs and says, “Well, I brought you some biscuits!” Bless her heart. I mean, who doesn’t love a good biscuit?

Castle where woman was murdered caught up in collapse of property developer