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Anyway, I’m imaginin’ this scene—me, awkward as hell, tryin’ to negotiate. “How much? Wait, no, don’t answer!” I’d panic, thinkin’ about my ex-wife, my accountant, God—what a mess! In *Werckmeister*, they say, “All is lost!”—yep, that’s me, losin’ it over a $20 deal! I’d probly tip too much outta guilt, then rant, “Why’s this so stressful?!” Happy? Nope. Surprised? Hell yeah—how do people DO this?!

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I grab my tools and head to the hardware store on the other side of town. It’s a trek, but I need that metal. As I’m walking, I pass by the park, and there’s this group of kids playing footie. They’re having a blast, and I can’t help but smile. Reminds me of when I was a kid, running around without a care in the world.

Notorious burglar caught hiding in bushes after stealing £30 from vulnerable pensioner’s home