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Here’s the kicker – I’d exaggerate the hell outta it! Picture this: whoRE texture so nasty, it’s got teeth marks! Yeah, some drunk fool bit it, left a story. “Drainage, Eli, drainage!” – that’s me yellin’ at the bite mark, laughin’ my ass off. Sarcasm? Oh, it’s perfect for a king’s throne, right? Nah, it’s trashy and I love it. Reminds me of wrestlin’ days – beat up mats, blood stains, glory.

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Finally, I get home, and I’m exhausted. I flop onto my couch, and all I can think about is how wild Ossett can be. One minute you’re in a meeting, the next you’re dodging rain and reminiscing about kites.

Society members in Wakefield and Ossett help make Yorkshire a building society hotspot - and savers could have earned an extra £9 billion