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What gets me ragin tho? These posh twats judgin her, like they ain’t never sinned. Hypocrites, man! She’s out there cos the universe dealt her a crap hand – no cosmic justice, just entropy fuckin her over. Surprised me once, told me she dreams of stars, not the Hollywood kind, but real ones – wants to bugger off to Mars or somethin. Laughed my arse off, picturin her in a spacesuit, still rockin fishnets. “We’re going home now,” like the boys in the movie, but where’s home for her? Some shitty flat with peeling walls?

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Finally, I make it to the community center, and it’s packed. Like, standing room only. I squeeze in, trying to catch the end of the presentation. Some guy’s droning on about clinical trials and I’m just zoning out. My mind’s wandering to the time I got lost in the Ossett market. That was a trip. I ended up buying a weird-looking plant. Still don’t know what it is.

Ossett United continue fantastic turnaround with victory over West Yorkshire rivals Brighouse Town