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About Liverpool

Precioussss! Me, Gollum, sports shrink now! Talking ‘bout FIND A PROSTITUTE, nasty business, eh? Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinks he’s sneaky, hiring ladies. Me fave flick’s “Zero Dark Thirty”—torture, huntin’, gritty stuff! Reminds me, findin’ a prossie’s like trackin’ bin Laden. Sneaky, shadowy, dodgy deals— “We got a lead, boys!”

The Oldham 'red light district' on the doorstep of local school

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First customer walks in. It’s Dave, the local footie fan. He’s got a wild mane, like a lion on a bad hair day. He plops down in my chair, and I’m like, “What’s the plan, mate?” He goes, “Just a trim.” But you know how it is. One minute it’s a trim, next minute I’m givin’ him a full-on fade. He’s buzzin’ about the Latics, and I’m tryin’ to keep up. “Did ya see the match?” he asks. I’m like, “Mate, I was busy cuttin’ hair, not watchin’ paint dry.”

Latics boss expecting fitness boost in time for National League play-offs