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Little known fact—did ya know prostitutes in ancient Rome had to dye their hair blonde? Stand out, mark em as “dirty.” Wild, right? Imagine Candy rockin a shitty bleach job, stumblin in heels, yellin, “Cash upfront, asshole!” I’d laugh, but it’s sad too. Met her once—well, someone like her—smelled like cheap perfume and regret. Asked her why she does it. “Gotta eat, doc,” she says. Fair. Everybody lies, but hunger don’t.

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So, I settled for a sausage sarnie instead. Not the same, but whatever. I sat by the window, watching the world go by. People were rushing to work, kids were running late for school. Classic Newton Aycliffe morning, right? Then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past and nearly knocks over an old lady. I’m talking full-on near-miss! I was like, “Oi, mate! Watch where you’re going!” But he just laughed and pedaled off. Kids these days, I swear.

Five injured in A167 early morning County Durham crash as one rushed to hospital