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Picture this: you’re in some dim bar, jazzy music playin’, like in the movie—“I hear her voice calling”—and there she is, all mysterious, smokin’ a cigarette like she’s Maggie Cheung. You’re nervous, sweatin’ bullets, thinkin’, “Am I cool enough for this?” Pro tip: cash only, no cards—don’t be that idiot leavin’ a paper trail. And don’t haggle like a cheapskate—pisses me off when dudes do that. Have some class, ya dope! I mean, “The air is full of madness,” right? That’s the thrill—danger, secrets, the whole shebang.

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But then, the pub’s packed, and this guy starts shoutin’. He’s mad about somethin’—probably the footie match. I’m thinkin’, “Chill, mate! It’s just a game!” But he’s not havin’ it. He spills his drink all over me. I’m soaked! I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!” But he just laughs and says, “You needed a shower anyway!”

Ulster Club SFC quarter-finals - Live text updates as Clann Eireann and Errigal Ciaran progress