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So, findin’ a prostitute—ain’t no picnic, darlin’. Back in my day, I reckon it was hush-hush, sneaky-like. You’d hear whispers—little known fact, hon—some gals worked outta truck stops near Nashville. Called ‘em “lot lizards,” sassy as all get-out! Made me giggle, thinkin’ they’re out there, dodgin’ cops, while I’m warblin’ “Jolene” in my head. “Please don’t take my man!”—ha, like they’d want my sorry hide!

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First off, I grab my coffee from that wee café on Main Street. You know the one, right? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi and the best scones in town. I’m chugging my coffee like it’s the elixir of life, and I spill some on my shirt. Classic me. Great start, eh?

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