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Oi mate, buckle up, here we go! Findin’ a prostitute, eh? Tricky business, innit? I’m Boris, your car instructor, ramblin’ as usual. Picture this – drivin’ through London, fog thick as pea soup, lookin’ for a lass of the night. Reminds me of *Inception* – “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling!” – but instead of dreams, it’s dodgy streets, ha!

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So, I’m like, “Fine, I’ll just take the gnomes to the pub.” I pull up, and the sight is hilarious. There’s a bunch of blokes, pints in hand, and I’m rolling in with a truck full of gnomes. They start laughing, and I’m like, “Hey, who needs a gnome for your garden?”

Murder charge after body found in Mountsorrel flat