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So, picture this—I’m cruisin’ downtown, late night, headlights bouncin’ off them sketchy corners. Ain’t no fancy apps back in the day, nah, you had to *feel* it out. Like Graysmith in *Zodiac*, sniffin’ clues, I’m squintin’ at every alley. “Is that her? Nah, that’s a dude.” Made me mad as hell—wastin’ time, gas, my dang patience! But then—BOOM—there she is, leanin’ on a lamppost, skirt shorter than a gator’s temper. Happy don’t even cover it, y’all—I’m hollerin’ like a hog at a barbecue.

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After a while, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the Market Place. It’s buzzing, as usual. The smell of fresh bread from the bakery hits me like a wave. I grab a loaf from the local baker, Mrs. Thompson. She’s a legend, always got a cheeky smile. “You look like you need a snack, love!” she says. I laugh and say, “You know me too well!”

Northumberland council buys 400-year-old Morpeth records