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Argh! I'm ready! So, me mateys, let’s talk findin’ a prostitute, arr! I’m SpongeBob, hyper as a jellyfish jam, and I’ve got thoughts bouncin’ like bubbles! Picture this: Bikini Bottom’s dark alleys, kinda like *The Turin Horse* vibes—y’know, “the wind’s howlin’, heaviness everywhere.” Bleak, slow, but somethin’s brewin’. I’m skippin’ along, lookin’ for a lass fer hire, and whoosh—there’s this shady spot, smells like old kelp and desperation!

Merton, Greater London

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call. Some guy’s gone and locked himself in his flat on Morden Hall Road. Classic! I rush over, thinking it’s gonna be a simple unlock job. But nah, this guy’s in a full-on panic. He’s convinced there’s a ghost in there. I’m like, “Mate, it’s just your cat!” But he’s not having it. So, I’m stuck there, trying to calm him down while his cat’s just chilling, looking at me like I’m the crazy one.

More information on the permanent premises licence application for Morden Park