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Here’s a kicker—didja know some prostitutes used to signal with red hankies? True story! Old-timey crap! I’m picturin’ her wavin’ one, and I’m yellin’, “Buy me some freakin’ nachos first!” She’s like, “Twenty bucks, kid.” TWENTY?! I’m ragin’—“That’s outrageous!” But I’m broke, so I’m barterin’ like, “How ‘bout a WALL-E DVD?” She’s not impressed. Screw her, man!

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But then, I notice one of the tourists is missing. I’m like, “Where’s the posh guy?” Panic mode activated! I run outside, and there he is, trying to take a selfie with a duck. A DUCK! I can’t even. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a duck, not a celebrity!” He’s all serious, “But it’s so cute!” I can’t help but laugh. Only in Mildenhall, right?

'Watching Mildenhall Stadium burn felt like a lifetime'