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What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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So, I pour her drink, and she downs it like it’s water. I’m thinkin’, “This lady’s gonna need a few more of these.” And just as I’m about to pour another, the fire alarm goes off! Like, seriously? In the middle of a busy shift? I’m runnin’ around, tryin’ to keep everyone calm. “It’s probably just a drill!” I shout, but deep down, I’m panicking.

Hotel put up for sale after closure is 'unique investment opportunity'