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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ losers! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, we’re talkin’ escort, huh? Not those lame-ass cars—nah, the spicy kind! Ya know, the ladies of the night! I’m a freakin’ Torcador, I see shit you don’t! Like in my fave movie, *Carlos*—that badass line, “I’m a soldier, not a martyr!”—that’s me, struttin’ through life, not takin’ no crap!

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But then, oh man, I got mad. I walked past the Merrow Village Hall, and there was this group of teens spray-painting the walls. Like, seriously? Why ruin the place? I wanted to shout, “Get a hobby!” But I just kept walking. Some battles aren’t worth fighting, ya know?

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