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About Leeds

So, last week, I’m pissed – some skank tries chargin’ me double. Double! For what, five minutes? I says, “What am I, a fuckin’ ATM?” She’s all, “Time’s money, big guy.” Fuckin’ nerve, right? Reminds me’a that line – “You think you’re safe here?” Bitch, I run this turf! But I laugh it off, toss her a twenty, whatever. Keeps the peace, ya know?

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First off, I had a massive order for pork pies. Yeah, the famous Melton Mowbray pork pies. Everyone loves ‘em, and I’m the guy they come to. So, I’m mixing the meat, spices, and all that jazz. I’m humming away, thinking I’m the next big thing in baking. Then, boom! The power goes out. Just like that. I’m standing there in the dark, flour on my face, like a ghost from the past.

Fiona Bruce will as usual be hosting the programme from Melton Theatre - it will be aired at 10.40pm tomorrow