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So, dig this—little known fact, swear down: back in Victorian times, prossies had secret codes, flashin handkerchiefs to signal punters. Wild, innit? Bet they’d laugh at us now, fumblin about like numpties. I’m thinkin, “Gordon, keep it sharp, don’t settle for slop!”—like Remy dodgin them crap chefs. Found this one bird eventually—fit, cheeky, knew her game. Made me grin, proper chuffed— “This is my moment!” I says, like that rat tastin soup.

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After the fire drill (turns out it was a false alarm, phew), we get back inside. I finish my pitch, and the curator’s nodding. I think I nailed it! But then, she says, “We’ll get back to you.” Classic art world.

Fight at back of Tesco Express involving two men reported