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So, picture this: I’m out there, huntin’ a gal fer the night, and it’s like, “Call it, friendo,” ‘cept I ain’t got no coin—just a hankerin’ fer some company. Them mining camps? Whoo boy, they was wild! Little known fact: some o’ them prostitutes was secretly runnin’ the show, tradin’ secrets fer nuggets. Ain’t that a hoot? Makes me madder’n a wet hen thinkin’ how them fellers got played!

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First stop? The coffee shop on The Green. I need caffeine, like, yesterday. I order a flat white, and the barista is super friendly. Like, too friendly. I’m half-expecting him to ask me for my life story. I just want my coffee, man! But he starts chatting about the weather. I’m like, “Dude, it’s England. What do you expect?”

Man taken to hospital with head injury after hit-and-run in Dagenham