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*raspy cackle* My precious! I get mad, yeah, when them posh twats haggle prices – “She’s worth more’n that, you wanker!” Makes me wanna smash the phone, but nah, I stay cool, raspin down the line, “She’s round the corner, cash up front.” Happy tho, when a reg calls – good lad, tips big, ain’t a creep. Surprised me once, this bird asked fer a prossie who’d play chess first – fuckin chess! Swear down, nearly choked on me tea.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” Turns out, it was just some kid messing around with a lighter. I mean, who does that? We all pile outside, and I see my mate, Sam, who’s just laughing his head off. He’s like, “Only in Mangotsfield, eh?”

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