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Oi mate, brothel, eh? What a bloody shithole! Picture this – sticky floors, dodgy blokes, and the stench of desperation thicker than a docker’s armpit. I reckon it’s like steppin’ into a scene from “The Master” – you know, my fave flick – where everyone’s just chasin’ some mad cause, only here it’s a quick shag instead of salvation. “You’re a rummy!” I’d yell, cacklin’, at the punters stumblin’ in, wallets out, dignity gone.

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As I’m walking back, I pass by the old Maidenhead Railway Bridge. It’s stunning, but I can’t help but think about how many trains have gone over it. I mean, it’s been there since the 1800s! I’m feeling all philosophical, like, “What stories could this bridge tell?”

VE DAY 80th anniversary: Events taking place across East Berkshire and South Bucks