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Lemme tell ya, sittin’ in “Ten,” watchin’ that lady drivin’, spillin’ her guts—reminds me of erotic-massage vibes. “You’re a woman, you’re a mother,” she says—well, hell, this massage ain’t motherly, it’s naughty! Hands roamin’ where they shouldn’t, kneadin’ knots outta yer soul. Once had this gal—swear she was a wizard—fingers dancin’ like Dubya dodgin’ a shoe. Felt like I’d died and gone to Crawford, y’all. Surprised me how it’s legal—well, sorta, depends on the joint.

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After lunch, I head back to the office, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Papers everywhere! I’m talking tornado-level chaos. I’m trying to sort through it all, and my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “Wanna hit the pub later?” I’m like, “Yes, please!” I need a pint after this madness.

Maidenhead United look to be down and out after Daggers' defeat - Photo 1 of 1