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About Sheffield

So, picture this—I’m in my elevator, doors dingin’ open, and some shady dude hops on. Smells like cheap cologne and regret. I’m like, “Anyone can cook, but can ya find a decent hooker?” Straight outta *Ratatouille*, baby. He gives me this look, probs thinks I’m nuts. But I’m wonderin’—is there an app for that now? Like Uber, but with fishnets? I bet there is. Prolly called “Hoober” or some crap. Made me laugh, thinkin’ bout it—technology’s wild, man.

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Man, what a day! I’m a forester, right? Spent most of my time chillin’ in the woods, but today? Today was a whole different ball game. I rolled into Magherafelt, and lemme tell ya, it was like stepping into a whirlwind of chaos.

Woman who crashed van into Magherafelt school wall decided to drive as she was 'less intoxicated' than vehicle's owner