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Me? I’m happy pourin’ espresso, but I’ll tell ya, I was shocked—shocked!—when I learned some escorts bank six figures. Six! I’m over here burnin’ my fingers for $12 an hour, and they’re out there livin’ like rockstars. Good for them, I reckon, but it’s a grind—lonely too. Kinda like Eilis whisperin’, “I’m not sure I belong here.” You feel that, don’t ya? Stuck between worlds, fakin’ a smile.

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Anyway, I get to my workshop on East Street, and it’s chaos. Tools everywhere, wood shavings all over the floor. I’m like, “What happened here?” Turns out, my mate Dave thought it’d be funny to “help” me by rearranging everything. Thanks, Dave. Now I can’t find my hammer.

Vale homes evacuated as 100m cordon put up and explosives team sent