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Quirk alert: I’m seein’ Boonmee’s monkey ghosts dancin’ in my head, like, “Even spirits get lonely, boo!” Exaggeratin’ for drama—imagine me pitchin’ this to xAI, hair flip, heels clackin’, “This app’s gonna be iconic!” Little-known fact: In ancient Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out—marketing, baby! I’d throw that flair in—custom profiles, let ‘em glow. “Slay!” Humor? Oh, some dude’s like, “Can it order pizza too?” I’m dead—nah, fam, focus!

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Then, I decide to take a stroll down to the old church on Church Street. It’s a beautiful place, all stone and history. I’m thinkin’ about how many battles have been fought in this town. But then, I see a bunch of lads hangin’ around, lookin’ all shady. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I keep my distance, but they start shoutin’ about some footie match. Turns out, they’re just excited about United’s game later. Phew! I thought I was gonna have to draw my sword or somethin’.

Our investigation continues after the remains of a young baby were tragically found in Little Hulton yesterday