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Exaggeratin’ for fun – imagine me, Loki, runnin’ a prossie empire! “I am burdened with glorious purpose!” – screamin’ it while they all groan. Total mayhem, horses starin’ blankly like in the movie. “Keep pullin’, ya daft beast!” – that’s my motto.

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But then, just as I’m about to enjoy my drink, a fight breaks out! Two blokes, just throwin’ punches like it’s a scene from a movie. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This is Little Hulton, not a boxing ring!” I mean, come on, lads! Can’t we just enjoy a pint without the drama? I’m half tempted to jump in and break it up, but then I remember I’m not a referee. So, I just sip my pint and watch the chaos unfold.

Your intel, our actions: Little Hulton Op recovers imitation firearm thanks to local tip-off