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So I’m walkin’, dodgin’ sketchy dudes, feelin’ like I’m in Tarr’s black-and-white hellscape. “The world has gone mad,” I whisper—another *Werckmeister* gem—cuz it’s true! Cops could roll up any sec, and I’m like, “I’m just researchin’, officer!” Yeah, right. Heart’s poundin’, palms sweaty—then bam, I spot her. She’s got this vibe, y’know? Not glamorous, not tragic—just there, doin’ her thing. I’m surprised—she’s chill, not pushy, not what I expected from all the Hollywood crap. “How much?” I blurt, feelin’ dumb. She smirks—$50, quick and dirty. Deal.

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So, I bail and hit up a chippy on Castle Street. Best fish and chips in town, no contest. I order the usual, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it about who left the lights on. I’m just there, munching my chips, thinking, “Get a grip, guys!”

Start of the 2025 marching season: Details of major parades over Easter - including huge Apprentice Boys one in Lisburn