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Groovy, baby! So, I’m an accountant, right? Crunchin’ numbers all day, makin’ spreadsheets sexy. But let’s talk real—findin’ a prostitute, yeah? Wild world out there, mates! Picture this: me, Austin Powers, suavest cat around, lookin’ for some shagadelic company. Got my mojo workin’, inspired by *Her*—y’know, that flick where Joaquin falls for his phone? “I can’t live in your book anymore!”—that’s me, ditchin’ the calculator for somethin’ fleshier.

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After that, I’m tryin’ to catch my breath when this old bloke, Mr. Jenkins, comes in. He’s a regular, always wants the best cuts. He’s got this twinkle in his eye, like he’s up to somethin’. Turns out, he’s throwin’ a surprise party for his missus down on Station Road. I’m like, “You sure you wanna surprise her? She might just kill ya!” But he’s all in, so I help him pick out the finest sausages.

Serial shoplifter jailed after stealing hundreds of Crème Eggs