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Then I read ‘bout history – ancient times, prostitutes were, like, sacred or somethin’. Surprised me again! Happy to learn that, ‘cause it’s not all seedy, ya know? But today? Phew, it’s a mess. Online ads, apps – it’s like navigatin’ a sandstorm! “I am the one who runs from both the living and the dead!” I felt like that, dodgin’ creeps and scams.

STIs are on the rise

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After that, I had to make some calls. You know, the usual. “Hey, Mr. Smith, your portfolio’s tanking.” Fun times. But then, I got a call from a client in Linlithgow. She was panicking about her investments. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! It’s not the end of the world! I told her to chill, but she was like, “I can’t sleep! My stocks!” I wanted to say, “Girl, it’s just money!” But I didn’t. Gotta keep it professional, right?

Linlithgow Bridge Primary nursery class is one of nine at risk of closure