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About Leicester

Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into an old mate from school. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new job at the local brewery. I’m like, “Brewery? In Leek? That’s dope!” We reminisce about the good ol’ days, and I’m feeling all nostalgic. But then, he mentions he’s got a kid now. A kid! I’m still trying to figure out my own life, and this dude’s a dad.

Masonic lodge raises funds for Wales Air Ambulance