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Brandon, he’d get it—sex is a trap, innit? “No control!” he’d moan, all messed up. Me, I’m just ragin’—happy when it’s quick, pissed when it’s a faff! Once saw a geezer hagglin’—10 quid off fer a limp! Laughed me head off, proper daft! Findin’ a prossie’s a gamble, mate—ya win some, ya lose some. We hates it, but we needs it, yesss, precious!

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But then, I see this old man feeding the ducks. He’s got this huge bag of bread, and the ducks are going nuts! I’m cracking up. Like, who knew ducks could be so dramatic? I’m thinking, “Man, I need to get a video of this.” So, I whip out my phone, and just as I’m about to record, the old dude looks at me and says, “You better not be filming me!” I’m like, “Nah, mate, just the ducks!”

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