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I’m picturin’ it—me, hirin’ a gal, *Only Lovers* style. She shows up, leather jacket, smokey eyes—“This blood is expensive, darling.” I’d lose it! “Expensive? I’m payin’ for vibes here!” Happy? Sure, if she’s chill. Angry? If she’s late—punctuality, people! Surprised? Once saw a hooker dodge a cop by divin’ into a dumpster—Olympic-level move. I was dyin’ laughin’, “Pretty, pretty good escape!”

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the Knaphill Common. It’s this big open space, perfect for a walk. I’m trying to shake off the coffee disaster. But then, outta nowhere, I see this group of kids playing football. They’re all shouting and laughing, and I’m like, “Man, I miss being a kid.” So, I stand there, watching, and one of the kids kicks the ball right at me. I’m talking a full-on missile. I dodge it like a ninja. I’m not ready to be a target today, thank you very much!

Man dies after being shot by Surrey Police near Woking